Thursday, February 21, 2008

Surveys are gay

This survey was stolen from Denna.

1. Would you date someone who smokes?
I would because I love to watch someone slowly committing suicide. And the thoughts of them losing a lung, their voice box, or dying early because they're stupid and can't shake a habit (which is also an endearing personality trait) fills me with loving thoughts. Also the thought of me taking care of them when they're in that state just puts a silly grin on my puss.

2. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs?
Addiction is a sign of true inner beauty. And if you need drugs to have a good time, thats a sign you're in touch with yourself.

3. Would you date someone who lived in another state?
No. That's stupid. Unless they're in Canada. Then it makes sense. That was for Scottie.

4. Whats your biggest turn off, physically?
I do not like the skinny. I'm the skinny one dammit. They're the regular-sized one. If they wear a smaller-sized pant than me, then no. I am the supermodel in this relationship.

5. Whats your biggest turn on, physically?
Silence

6. Lip ring?
Yeah if I'm dating a high schooler. Adorning one's body with metal crap makes you a human Christmas tree.

11. If you could go on ONE DATE with any celebrity, who would it be?
Lindsay Lohan. I'd ask her why she did those naked Marilyn Monroe photos.

12. What's your relationship status?
Single. Can't you tell by my snotty answers above?

13. What's the sweetest thing someone you dated has done for you?
Told me they loved me waaaaaay too early. I chastised them for it and told them never to do that to someone again. I am a jackass.

14. Last time you got flowers?
I think Mommatelli bought me flowers for Fringe one year.

15. worst thing someone you dated did for you?
I paid for, strapped to my car myself (with the help of a young black female Home Depot employee--she did most of the work), dragged into their house and decorated... a Christmas tree. When they came home, they got a nice surprise, right? A couple days after Christmas, I get call from them. "When are you going to get rid of the tree?"

Bitch.


16. Do you like cuddling?
Sure. Who doesn't? Oh. People with no hands or arms or people who do have hands and arms, but don't have the ability to move them. They don't like to cuddle. They probably like to be cuddled. God what a pain for the cuddler. "I'm always doing the cuddling here! Can you lift a goddam finger? No. Dammit. Why am I dating you? Oh yeah.. I'm retarded."

18. Do you hold grudges?
It's not a grudge. It's having a memory. If you wrong or right me, I will remember.

19. Hugger or kisser?
Neither if I am dating a parapalegic.

20. Missing someone?
The SAK audiences after a really good show.

23. Are you happier single or in a relationship?
This is a trick question. I am never happy. So being with someone, and being unhappy would probably be painful for them and for me, unless they're one of those types that want to "fix" me. And to them I say... as long as you pay when we go out, fix all you want. Or rather, feel like you're fixing. Cuz this old nag ain't changing nothing. I will always be retarded.

25. What would make you break up w/ someone...no questions asked?
If they revealed to me weeks into the relationship that they were an actor.

26. Have you ever been in love with someone who didn't love you back?
Yes but in hind-quarter-site, it was more of low-self esteem than love. That desperation for someone, forgoing everything in your life and thinking of yourself as a martyr. "Why don't they LOVE me? I love them? They're so mean. But I can't stop thinking about them!"

27. Would you date someone who was broke all the time?
I AM someone who's broke. Of course. We'd be broke together. God that would suck. How can a broke person fix me without money?

28. How important are looks?
If we're gonna be friends and read books together and chit chat, not important at all. I have tons of ugly friends. If we're gonna hump on park benches and vomit in each other's mouths and put the video online....very.

29. How do you know when you are in love?
When I don't talk about them to anyone and I keep it a secret because I don't wan to jinx it. Like auditions. If I have a good one, I don't talk about it. i talked about the Wicked call back because I didn't think I had a chance in hell for that job.

30. Do you consider yourself shy?
More socially retarded.

31. Would you rather date someone who was SUPER-HOT or someone who was fun?
Super-hot. I DESPISE being around people who entertain, who are always on, who crack jokes and "make funny" constantly..."fun." I don't want a show. I don't want to laugh all the time.

32. Have you ever been turned down or turned someone down?
Yes. Someone came up to me after a show at SAK January 2007, told me they had made a resolution to take risks in dating and asked me if they could call me. I said no. I felt empowered.

34. Do you currently want to date anyone?
Xtube

35. Thing that made you the happiest today?
Ok, this answer is serious. It makes me happy to give people things. Today I mailed a dvd of photos to Christian D of him performing at WDW. He told me he doesn't have many photos of himself performing at WDW, and I just happened to (a) be at WDW when he was working last month and (b) be someone who takes too many photos. Now he will have a ton of shots.

36. Would you ever date anyone your parents disapproved of?
I am a grown woman. I make my own decisions.

39. Would you fight over someone you wanted to be with?
No. If that person has to "choose," then they obviously ain't into my junk.

41. Would you rather date someone older or younger than you?
I know genius people younger than me and retarded people older than me. AGE MEANS NOTHING. The thought of being "the older one" makes me ill, but hell, nothing is worse than being bald. Or hit by a car.

42. Does the person you currently like, know you like them?
I don't like anybody.

44. Do you think the word 'love' is overused?
I never hear it. But then again, I don't watch too much tv.

45. Ever been called a whore?
Yes. Denna calls me a whore constantly. She even starts her texts and emails with "Hell Whore." She'll call Mommatelli and ask "How's the whore?" I mean, really. Is that something a friend does? She's the whore. She'll do anybody with 2 legs and a car that actually works.

47. If someone cheated on you, would you take them back?
Only if they smoked and were addicted to drugs.

48. Have you ever been in love?
I don't know. I think it was periods of low self-esteem. But I could be wrong. I usually am.

49. Do you miss your ex?
There is one I'd like to harpoon if I ever saw them again in a crowded grocery store. In Atlanta. In midtown.

50. Do you know of anyone wanting to date you?
No. I don't get "out there" enough for that to happen. And if someone out there does want to date me, they're probably armless, ugly or a whore like Denna.

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