Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Hot-tarded: the Alaska to LA flight

Bye, hell pit: Monday, December 15, I said "Eff you, you cold-air-icey-sidewalk-depression-inducing-hell-pit" and left on a flight to L.A. It felt like a dead moose had been lifted from my lithe, supple shoulders.

Lost phone: The airport's security gate was super-quick but I thought they lost my cell phone so I threw 'tude at this security guard and found it a second later in my Publix tote. She looks at me and says, "Patience." I looked at her and said, "Lesbian."*

Night night: I swallowed a sleeping pill, got on the plane and went to sleep until I was awoken with an offer for coffee. Hell, yeah. Half-doped and half-Mark, I filmed myself making it:

Pouring crap into crap on drugs

And then we landed...

Landing. Snow is pretty.

With ten minutes to catch our connecting flight I ran/walked to the plane, but stopped to capture these two poster faces:


He's hot-tarded.

I got on the plane: I noticed a seat was empty in first class. The air waitress told me to get off the plane and buy the seat upgrade at the counter. Did I mention it was final boarding call? The guy at the counter was helping me until his coworker demanded I get on the plane. I took my original seat because (a) I'd save the fifty bucks by not doing the upgrade (b) I'd still have a decent window seat in the back and (c) that air waitress was non-hot-tarded.

Take-off at Seattle airport

More take-off

...and more

I land, get my luggage, ride an hour on a bus, get off and dump my luggage into a glorious 20th floor hotel room. Whee! I'm here. I'm in L.A. for the first time in my life!

I have no clean clothes.

To be continued...

*The "lesbian" part is a lie.

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