Saturday, January 24, 2015

These drives

I had a bad night Thursday night. On a day I have one of my evening food events, I'm upset the whole day for two reasons: (1) the drive is always just about an hour and tests my anxiety to the limit every time and (2) I have no idea if people will show up or not. This all might be easy to deal with for someone without anxiety. For me, it's terrible. 

So Thursday rolls around and the day was terrible. Low all day. Then I drive to the event. The drive was stressful. Cars behind me, cars in front of me, I'm just scared. I get there, and I start worrying if people will show up. They don't. 5pm no one is there. 5;45 a small crowd is there. But not the size I need. And the later I the night, it was solid. 

But the ride home was just awful. 

The thought of an hour long drive makes me so anxious I have to stop multiple times, get food, turn the radio stations, play podcasts, anything. 

I had to stop at a drug store I was so anxious, and just sit there. And not drive. This was about five minutes. I cleaned up my car, got back on the road and felt a little better. 

Ugh.

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